>>Tuesday, May 09, 2006<<
What day is it? What time? Who am I?
I am assuming that today is Tuesday. Although, I have not confirmed it as of yet. That is how upside down we are on the time change from Russia to here. Sunday, I could have slept walked all day. Yesterday, I was up at 5:30 am acting like a cheerleader "Rise and shine everyone". I could have slapped my own face. Today, well...the above picture explains today.

I know that everyone is different. But, truthfully, if someone tells you that they were on the plane with 2 little ones, one being the adopted child and you flew for 12 hours and they tell you that they are doing great. You best call a doctor for them. Because they need to be seriously evaluated :).

When we landed around 11:30pm Saturday night, my sister flew in from Orlando to greet us, my other sister was there and brother in law, my brother came in from out of town and my parents and my sweet little angel...our 2 1/2 year old. We came down the stairs and all I saw was balloons and a banner and a little voice scream "Mommmmmmmmmmyyyyy". I couldn't get down the escalator fast enough. Little M and I hugged each other and it seemed like forever before we let go. We still are stuck together like glue. Nikolai did great with all of the fanfare. He actually was a little show off. I think he might be a bit of a flirt ;)

It was so great for me to be in my own bed, to see my house. Nikolai loved everything. EXCEPT his bed. He has not loved going to bed here. I had told you about the rocking thing. Well, it has gotten even worse here. He has caused a couple of bruises on his head. He is so upset about going to bed. We are trying everything under the sun. I know it is going to take time for him to adjust. But, other than that and changing his diapers. He loves the girls, the house, playing with our dog. And he absolutely loves the bath. He lets me know immediately that he is mad at me when I take him out of the water! :)

As for B and our daughter S. They are walking in Zombie mode like me. And Little M is having trouble adjusting because she was shuffled around so much. She doesn't want to leave my side. I think she thinks that I am leaving her again. So, it is an adjustment.

It reminds me when people would tell me that birthing a baby was the most beautiful experience in the world and so was breastfeeding. They would tell me that it was like angels singing and coming down. Well for me, the angels forgot to show up. IT HURT!. And I was tired and the baby cried! Don't get me wrong, I was in love with our girls. But, society seems to want to paint a picture of bliss and "kumbaya". And the same thing again. We were told how magical the experience of coming home would be. What people forget to tell you is reality. They forget to tell you not to worry if your baby thrashes on the plane and screams and your 5 year old cries if you look at her the wrong way. They forget to tell you that the man in front of you will lay his chair all the way in your lap and the baby has no where to rest but on top of your boobs. Comfortable for Nikolai, not for Mom.

They forget to tell you that you are so confused and so tired when you get home. They forget to tell you that bills are still due and life starts back up again and you have to get hustling on that laundry. And that you and your hubby still have to be 100% because the children, especially your new baby are counting on you to provide their every need.

I think people are afraid to tell that part, because it doesn't sound glamorous. Well...I guess I am not glamorous then and I lost the popularity vote. I do have to clarify and say that in no way am I saying that I wished things were different. Nikolai is the love of our lives as are our girls. Russia was still a life changing experience for me. We are already starting to implement some of those changes.

But, I expected the trumpets and cherubs to be waiting for me and to be drifting around with the angels when I got home. I just wasn't prepared to be faced down on my computer. And to think, hubby is back at work. He can't lie down on his computer :)

Don't worry this is not a discouraging post. Just our reality right this second. And I imagine, half of other adopters experience when they get home. Just some people leave out this part and tell you about how the whole world was singing "kumbaya". ;)
15 Comments:
Blogger ipodmomma said...
just to echo one little part...

jetlag bites!!!

so, having said that, you've got a new baby that isn't quite as compliant and new as a usual new baby, and usually one isn't in hospital for three weeks, so a few differences for you this time around.

sleep will help... :)))

poor Nikolai though with sleeping... hopefully that will ease up soon...

thinking of you all! glad you are home, and ready to embark on this new road...

Anonymous Leggy said...
I can only imagine how stressful it all is to adjust. And people probably have less sympathy/understanding than if you had just given birth. I hope you can get the support you need from friends/neighbors, etc. and take time you need to regroup.

I appreciate that you are writing the good, bad, and the ugly of it all. There is another blogger that has also posted about sibling rivalry issues that have popped up post-adoption, and I appreciate hearing that as I need to recognize my son is going to have mixed feelings to a new sister/stranger invading his space.

When/if we get there.

Anonymous Lorien said...
Ah yes, the reality of the homecoming! :) Keep an eye out for post adoption depression as well, it's more common than people think. Very similar to post partum depression, but obviously post adoption.

It took us a good 6 months to settle into a solid routine, have the kids really get used to each other, and have things into a "normal" state, although with kids - what is normal, anyway??

Get some sleep! Or, like me, live near a Starbucks!! :)

:) Lorien

Blogger Brian & Rebeca said...
Oh, I can’t imagine how difficult to travel with two kids for that long!!
I have been back a week from our first trip and I am sick from a bad cold. Brian just called me and asked me if it was emotional. It does not feel emotional … everything hurts!

You are home: that’s great. And one more at home with you … which makes five!

Blogger Debbie said...
Have no good advice for you other than take turns with sleeping pills till you get readjusted if you can.
You'll make it! Your life has been an enormous roller coaster with the whole process. It all happened so fast.
And thanks for sharing the bad as well as the good. I always like being prepared for the worse case possible.

Blogger Suz said...
Yes, it's gonna take a little time but at least you're home!

With our older daughter, D, when we got home she had a hard time sleeping. We finally decided it was TOO QUIET! She was used to noise all around. We put a box fan in her room and faced it toward the wall so it didn't actually send a lot of wind into the room, but the noise of it helped. At first we put it on high and slowly turned down the volume until about 3 months home she didn't need it anymore. Maybe this will help?

Blogger Margaret said...
No sunshine and butterflies are necessary. This is much more believable.

Blogger jeneflower said...
Thanks for sharing this. After reading about the jet lag issues you and Lisa had I am very worried. Do you think that jet-lag medicine works? Did you try anything like that? Traveling with kids is difficult on short flights, so I can't even imagine such a long flight and your child is probably totally confused about it all. I hope you guys can get some rest and start to feel normal soon.

Anonymous Anonymous said...
Just remember, Nana & Pa are but a few minutes drive from you.
Nana & Pa

Anonymous Betsy said...
Aha! I KNEW it! :) I hope you get caught up on sleep soon.

Blogger sandy said...
Welcome home! And post when you can. I've so enjoyed your trip... thank you! I hope you all are adjusted to being back at home soon.

Blogger megz_mum said...
I have loved the updates - hope your bodyclock is back to normal soon

Anonymous Chrisann said...
Hey Caroline,

Jet lag is never kind coming back this direction and having major responsibilities and adjustments thrown on top make it that much harder. If you need help, give me a shout at 6055294. I am not a very good cook but if you would like a meal cooked this weekend I could. Chocolate chip cookies are my speciality (eating them as a main course is optional).

In regards to N... I agree about the fan thing.(actually I sleep with a fan on a night). Something else you might want to try is a bed tent. Erin and Alec loved having one on their bed and he might find the cozy feeling a little more comforting than a big bed. Go here for an example: http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/ref=br_1_1/602-2532527-2809469?%5Fencoding=UTF8&frombrowse=1&asin=B00009IMAK

Welcome back and take care and big hugs,

Chrisann

Anonymous Traci Burnam said...
I thought I was just either high strung or my son was nuts!!! 8 hours home from Hawaii just about did me in with my bio, well bonded, 18 month old son. He thrashed and cried and tried to beat me to death the entire flight. The attendants wanted to throw us out the nearest exit and the other pasengers were thinking of even more violent ends for us. I am terrified of this journey home with my new daughter but life has prepared me for my "journey home". Lets hope I can do it one more time and remain sane:-) I will never travel by plane again with those two until they are at least 6:-) or maybe 21!!!!
I hope things start to normalize for you and routines start to relax you back into "home mode". I think you are wonderful for painting a more realistic picture and not making the rest of us feel like stressed out crazies for not being able to ride the cloud and hear the singing angels welcoming us home.
You'll be right as rain in no time!

Blogger Lauri said...
oh boy do I feel you- really I do know what your talking about. Its a hard adjustment.

Thanks for being real and honest, I do think it will help new parents adjust.

Welcome home

Lauri