>>Wednesday, July 09, 2008<<
I am moving forward in my journey...
I have realized that after 2 years of having Nikolai at home, the adoption piece of it no longer is in my mind. It is hard to keep up with this blog, because we are no longer dealing with adoption issues. He is fully integrated into our family and now we deal with all the issues of what having 3 at home bring.

I will be quite candid about the whole adoption journey. I had a lot of expectations of what it was going to be like. I thought that the minute we saw each other, he would run to me. I thought when he came home, he would latch right onto me and let me hug him and love on him. None of that happened. He didn't know how to love or to show affection. I took it personal. I went through a really hard phase where I thought that I was a failure as a mother. He didn't want to be touched or held. He was very violent in his rocking at night. It tore me up that I couldn't do anything about it. I padded everything in his crib. He didn't want to be held when he was sick. I was crushed. Honestly.

We have come a long way. He loves life so much now and loves to hug, and likes to be held when sick. He can throw one heck of a temper tantrum that blows me away at times.

I have moved into the phase of what it is like raising three very independent children. So, in time...I may make a new blog to discuss everyday life.

I have appreciated so much everyone being such a support during the whole adoption process. I couldn't have done it without my blogger world friends and encouragement from random people.

There is so much that I am still learning. I guess motherhood is a work in progress. I sure do wish someone would have handed me the Motherhood Guide book. But, I suppose we write it along the way.