>>Saturday, August 18, 2007<<
Guilt is such a destructive visitor in your life....
I feel like guilt consumes a lot of my life as a mother. Where should I begin?:

Guilt that if I am working, my children are suffering.

Guilt that if I am at home full time, that I am not everything they want me to be.

Guilt because my 7 year old said in the Disney store today with HUGE crocodile tears "I don't feel special", because her brother got a $1 sippy cup and we were buying presents for her sisters birthday. (it happens all the time. our children feel entitled to toys, presents, everything)

Guilt because I don't have the energy to do the one million and one things that they want me to do during the day...."what's next? the pool?, park?, art?, dance?...you catch my drift"

Guilt because I am not the mom who is dressed to the "9's" when I drop off my kids at the school. I am lucky I put my shirt on the right way.

Guilt because I didn't make homemade cookies for my child's class, guilt because I didn't make a home made craft, guilt because I am not in the "Right" Play group or ANY play group for that matter.

Guilt that I am not taking Little N to all of these social activities to help him with his social skills. HE HAS SOCIAL SKILLS!!

Guilt that I don't have the house smelling like pine sol with the kitchen gleaming and the dinner cooked when my husband arrives.

Guilt that I have gained 100 lbs in 4 years.

Guilt that my children never seem to get enough of me, but, yet I give them 100% and have negative for me or my husband.

Guilt that I never seem quite good enough at parenting. But, yet I try so hard. M is in the terrible 2's, 3's, and 4's. N has FULL BLOWN terrible 2's. S needs every second of my time. I try to be everything to them. But, many days are filled with them screaming, yelling, kicking at me. Nothing ever seems to be good enough. I am with poopy diapers and kiddie talk 24 hours a day.

I feel guilty that I miss my life. I miss my friends, I miss working at a job that I love. I miss doing anything that resembles me.

I knew that when I decided to be a mother, my life would change forever. I wanted it, I am happy for it. But, where I am confused is that is my life supposed to be taken over by my children and you are left as a shell. Or do they compliment your life and you can still have some sort of sense of who you are?

I am struggling a little bit. Is there anyone else out there that juggles all of this? Any advice would help.

Where does the guilt end? Does it? What makes you a good mom?

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3 Comments:
Blogger Maggie said...
I so understand! I'm constantly trying to find a way to still be me when taking care of Slugger. He's only been here 8 weeks, so I keep hoping a balance will reveal itself in time. But right now, I'm exhausted because I take no time for myself. Yet, as you say, while I give him 100% it's still not enough. He wants more, needs more. Being a mom is wonderful, but it's thoroughly exhausting, too.

Blogger Starfish said...
It's hard not to feel guilty - you want the best for your kids and you always want to be the perfect mom. I guess what's important is that we all just try our best and try to learn that it is impossible to be 100% perfect.

I would suggest that you do take some (not guilt) time for yourself and do something you like to do. For me, I take some time out on the weekends to be crafty - and it has really made me happier - knowing I am not losing myself entirely - and a happier mom makes a better mom, right? The key is getting my husband to help with this.

Blogger Her Grace said...
I came to you through Leap of Faith and your post definitely spoke to me.

Those early years are so hard and so totally consuming. My girls are 4 and 2 and I'm just now starting to see the possibility of focusing on myself a little bit.

It's hard not to feel guilty, but if you can let go of a little of it, that will help. Know that taking care of yourself is JUST as important as taking care of them. You didn't disappear when they were born.

I'm going to start trying, and I hope you find your way too.