Good day everyone! Thanks for the well wishes on the migraine. Yes, I have gotten them before. When I do get them...they are a whopper!! Once they get that bad, I have no choice but to get some sort of shot. But, I wait too long..too many things to do and the LAST place that I want to be is in some ER.
Anywho...today is going quite well..thank you!
Do you ever find yourself comparing? Comparing yourself to another mother, to another person? Wishing you were your husband some days...I do....I did. I mentioned that Moscow did something to me. For the good. I realize I am a great mother and I can do only what I can do.
Before, I would always judge myself against the other mothers in my neighborhood, at our pool and most definitely at my oldest daughters school (S). Those mothers are my friends and I love them dearly. But, I was so envious of each and every one of them. They are all beautiful...runway model beautiful. Most look like they threw their hair up in a ponytail with no effort and still look like rays of sunshine follow them everywhere. They all seem to have it together. They have their kids at school on time, everything looks so put together. They make cupcakes, homemade dinners, homemade crafts and they do it all with multiple children. Then, there was me. We would all wake up at the last minute. No one in our house is in favor of the morning. It was like a fire alarm went off "Hurry, hurry...we have 15 minutes to get dressed, eat and be out of this house". And that meant everyone. Sometimes Little M would have her socks on backwards, sometimes S might even be mismatched. Sometimes, they even ate breakfast in the car. I would put my makeup on at stoplights. Of course, I got those nasty looks of "what are you doing putting on makeup when you are supposed to drive?" I wasn't driving, I was at a stoplight...thank you very much. Then, we would get to school and it would be like the pit stop of an Indy 500. We would fly into a spot, slam on brakes, all doors would open and all of us were running out the door. The second that I saw another Mom, I was like "Hi..how are you?" trying to be all calm cool and collected. And if the truth be known, i was looking for the nearest oxygen mask so that I could breathe. If it was our cupcake day...our local supermarket was the baker. But, no one was the wiser. I felt like a fraud.
Now that it has gotten warmer, most of the moms show up with their shorts and tank tops after working out. Several look as if they walked off of FIT magazine with their muscles and sleek legs and tanned. Most drive up in their brand new Cadillac SUV or another nice fancy car. I drive up with our 150,000 mile Toyota Sienna that now clanks at times when the motor wants to act up. We sold our "smooth car" to pay for the adoption. (and I make no apologies for that)
Somedays, I would wish that I was my husband. I wished I could be at work having breaks, going to the break room to chat with friends or to go out to lunch and have conversations with adults, with friends. Instead, I would find whatever peanut butter and jelly sandwich I could find.
What is the difference now? Nothing. They are all still drop dead gorgeous, have everything together and make it to school on time. I still run like I am racing for the 50 year dash to make it to ANYPLACE on time. I still look like this picture:
Our air condition is now wanting to go on the blink. There is a hole that came through on our back porch the other day. B still has great lunches. I could cry, but, instead...all the moms comment on how happy I look. Because I am.
Wanna know why? Because I have a plan. I am no longer going to look at myself through those glasses anymore. I might still hate the morning and we may always rush to places. But, I love our kids, I chose to stay home and do freelance writing and work at the Y. We chose to sell our cars to pay for the adoption. So, I am going to start taking care of myself and look at the positive things that I have going on for me. Instead of checking out everyone elses backyard. I am going to start going to Weight Watchers, do the walking like I was in Moscow and I am for sure going to finish my writing come Hell or High Water. I think we all at times wish we were other people or envy others. Maybe not, maybe I am the only one. But, I am not going to live that way anymore.
I have decided to buy a pair of earplugs though :) Having three can get pretty loud when they are all hungry and screaming at one time. Other than that...I am glad to be me.