that is what I am told a lot. Especially these days. S is still in the hospital. I am sitting right next to her. We are on Day 3 here. She is peaceful at the moment watching a Barbie movie. But, that can change in a moments notice. I have learned a lot about how pain affects a child. S has never been admitted into the hospital...so, this is new to me. I have never seen her like this. She is very tearful and then in hysterics and then screaming at me and then hugging me and then quiet.

As someone mentioned in my last post....what a rollercoaster ride we have been on. Somehow, I have managed to stay incredibly calm. How does that happen?. I think there must be this trigger in all of us in a time of crisis that we have this flight or fight instinct. Especially when it comes to those I love...I fight. I would take it all away from her if I could. It is terribly frustrating that I can't. But, I can try to make life a little easier for her in here.

I keep thinking these antibiotics will have really taken affect on her kidney infection by now. I think they have done a really good job....but, she still hurts. But, from what I am told about a kidney infection...it is really painful.

But, back to the part about "God never gives you more than you can handle.... " God must have mistaken me for someone else :). I know I can handle it and am handling it. But, what I am struggling with is.... WHY us? We have had SOOOOOOO much happen to us in the past 6 years. Major life changes....Moving across country, moving again..., pregancies..one of which landed me in the hospital with eclampsia and little M in the NICU, then me being laid off from a major job, death of my father in law from cancer, my own fathers amputation and cancer, me being in the ER more times than I can count and at least 4 major surgeries in 2 years. Little M in the hospital last year for pneumonia, this year S for Kidneys and Little N is now sick and now Little M.

I don't tell you any of this to feel bad for me or to feel sorry. I just can't help but wonder what is going on. My Mother in Law is so positive. I wished that I was more like her. She always says that "Hey...you made it through it all...it is over and behind you and look on the bright side" So are my sisters and brother...they are always cheering me on. My sister called yesterday and told me "God knew that you could handle it..." I told her that He picked the wrong sister...because I don't feel that strong.

I will write more later... I am headed home to take over taking care of our other two little ones that are sick. B will be here with S. I will be glad when we are all back together again.

Thanks for all of your well wishes!!

Caroline